{"id":12936,"date":"2016-06-30T05:00:23","date_gmt":"2016-06-30T11:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tested-neuron.flywheelsites.com\/?p=12936"},"modified":"2016-06-30T00:02:29","modified_gmt":"2016-06-30T06:02:29","slug":"five-keys-to-a-good-apology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/unreasonablegroup.com\/articles\/five-keys-to-a-good-apology\/","title":{"rendered":"Five Keys to a Good Apology for Every Founder"},"content":{"rendered":"

Starting a company is really hard<\/b>. Unreasonable Institute got started under circumstances that are fairly prototypical: we didn\u2019t have salaries for 15 months; we were working 18 hours a day; we had to make a lot of decisions without knowing what we were doing while racing against our quickly depleting savings.<\/p>\n

Co-founder conflict is responsible for 65 percent of startup failures.<\/i> Tweet This Quote<\/a><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Under this tension, I definitely said hurtful things to my teammates that I didn\u2019t mean. I dropped the ball. I let the team down.<\/p>\n

Over the past couple of years, I\u2019ve learned we all fall prey to stress, being overwhelmed, a lack of sleep, and a lack of self-care. In those moments, we sometimes hurt the people we care about the most. According to the author of The Founder\u2019s Dilemma<\/a><\/em>, it turns out that\u00a0co-founder conflict is responsible for 65 percent of startup failures.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why I think startup founders need to know how to apologize. Here are some tips and tricks I\u2019ve picked up (through both delivering bad apologies and receiving apologies from others that left me unsatisfied).<\/p>\n

1. Take 100% responsibility<\/h2>\n

Unreasonable Institute Board Member and VC Seth Levine<\/a> coached our team through some internal tensions we had a few years ago. Here\u2019s a pearl of wisdom he shared with us:<\/p>\n

\u201cYou might ask yourself, \u2018Why is it my job to apologize?\u2019 I wasn\u2019t at fault. But a good relationship isn\u2019t one in which both people are 50 percent responsible for the relationship, where they might wait for the other to\u00a0act. A good relationship is one in which both people are 100% responsible<\/strong> for the relationship. If something is off between the two of you, it\u2019s always<\/strong> your job to do something about it.\u201d<\/em><\/div>\n

A lot of apologies don\u2019t happen because both people in a conflict think it\u2019s the other person\u2019s job to initiate the healing process. People involved say things like \u201cI apologized first last time!\u201d or \u201cWhy should I say I\u2019m sorry? I\u2019m right!\u201d Ultimately, keeping score and being right are far less important than being united. Have no doubt: it\u2019s always your job to apologize first.<\/i><\/p>\n

Keeping score and being right are far less important than being united.<\/i> Tweet This Quote<\/a><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

2. Be specific<\/h2>\n

You\u2019ve got to articulate exactly what action you\u2019re apologizing for. This makes it clear to someone that you get what upset them. Here are some examples of how to be specific in your apology:<\/p>\n