{"id":20950,"date":"2015-04-29T05:00:06","date_gmt":"2015-04-29T11:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tested-neuron.flywheelsites.com\/?p=20950"},"modified":"2015-04-28T10:04:24","modified_gmt":"2015-04-28T16:04:24","slug":"10-hard-conversations-entrepreneurs-need-to-be-able-to-have","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/unreasonablegroup.com\/articles\/10-hard-conversations-entrepreneurs-need-to-be-able-to-have\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Hard Conversations Entrepreneurs Need to Be Able To Have"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>My teammate Banks and I<\/strong> were exploring what we\u2019d say if a hypothetical genie showed up and offered us the ability to master any skill that could help our work most. After some deliberation, we both agreed: the ability to have hard conversations well.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"left\"><p>We need to close the gap between expectations and reality. And that requires a hard conversation.<span id=\"tweetquote\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=http:\/\/bit.ly\/1b7GKd2&amp;via=unreasonable&amp;text=&quot;Closing the gap between expectations and reality requires hard conversations&quot; @tejuravi\"><i class=\"fa fa-twitter\"><\/i> Tweet This Quote<\/a><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>First, why do hard conversations matter? The reason is simple: things don\u2019t go according to plan. We need more money than we thought to reach our next milestone. A new hire doesn\u2019t work out. Schedules shift. In all these situations, we need to close the gap between expectations and reality. And that requires a hard conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Second, what does it mean to have a hard conversation well? To me, it means delivering the truth respectfully and in a way people can understand. The truth is easy to deliver when news is good because we love making people happy. \u201cHey Ralph, you\u2019re getting a raise!\u201d Who wouldn\u2019t want to say that to Ralph? The truth is hard to deliver when the news is bad because we don\u2019t like causing ourselves or others pain, which is typically the consequence of bad news.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"right\"><p>While pain is inevitable in having hard conversations, we can deliver the truth in a way that honors and respects another human being.<span id=\"tweetquote\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=http:\/\/bit.ly\/1b7GKd2&amp;via=unreasonable&amp;text=&quot;We can deliver truth in a way that honors and respects another human being&quot; @tejuravi\"><i class=\"fa fa-twitter\"><\/i> Tweet This Quote<\/a><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>While pain is inevitable in having hard conversations, we can deliver the truth in a way that honors and respects another human being. The goal of this blog post is to investigate how to do that in ten situations that startup leaders often find themselves in.<\/p>\n<h2>1. <a href=\"http:\/\/firstround.com\/review\/The-Best-Approach-to-the-Worst-Conversation\/\" target=\"_blank\">How to fire someone<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>This is perhaps the hardest conversation startup founders and managers have. The best article I\u2019ve read on the subject is from <a href=\"http:\/\/firstround.com\/review\/\" target=\"_blank\"><em>First Round Review<\/em><\/a> (by far my favorite blog series on startups), featuring the approach used by Michael Lopp, who \u201cmanaged engineers at Apple for over eight years and now works at Palantir, where he focuses almost exclusively on maintaining and retaining some of the world\u2019s best technical talent.\u201d His main points of advice are:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Rule #1: It\u2019s your fault<\/strong>. As CEO or manager, you most likely recruited this person, trained them (or didn\u2019t train them), and didn\u2019t lay out clear enough expectations. It\u2019s on you to acknowledge this.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Tackle Performance Head On<\/strong>. If you believe that there\u2019s a problem, don\u2019t wait. Provide immediate, specific feedback, while taking the \u201cthreat\u201d out of it, and have the employee in question repeat it back to you to make sure they understand.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Use a three-phase performance improvement plan<\/strong>, which consists of a degree of micromanaging for a month, providing only strategic counsel for the second month, and providing full autonomy in the third month.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Repeat offense\u2014the tough conversation<\/strong>. Unfortunately, performance improvement plans fail at least 50 percent of the time, and when that happens, Lopp advises you to say, \u201cWe\u2019re not doing this twice. It\u2019s great that you can rise to the occasion when you need to, but we\u2019re going to have to let you go.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Crush Rumors<\/strong> with intentional communication to the rest of the company.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>2. <a href=\"http:\/\/thenextweb.com\/insider\/2013\/02\/28\/andrew-mason-groupoin\/\" target=\"_blank\">How to Let Other People Know You\u2019ve Been Fired<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>There\u2019s little that I admire more than courageous honesty, taking responsibility, and finding a way to make the best out of a difficult situation. All three things are present in Andrew Mason\u2019s remarkable and sincere letter to the employees of Groupon after he was fired as CEO. As Dave Checketts, founder and chairman SCP Worldwide, says, \u201cSuccess builds character. Failure reveals it.\u201d While this tactic might not be the kind that everyone who gets fired might employ, it\u2019s the approach that I hope that I would follow if I were ever to be fired.<\/p>\n<h2>3. <a href=\"https:\/\/open.bufferapp.com\/how-to-give-receive-feedback-work\/\" target=\"_blank\">How to Give and Receive Feedback at Work<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>Buffer, a company making social media sharing easier, is doing some extremely innovative things with their culture. They\u2019re intentional about how they give and receive feedback, and Courtney Seiter\u00a0goes into how they do this in-depth in this article. Some core elements include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Reflect on your purpose [in giving feedback]<\/li>\n<li>Focus on the behavior, not the person<\/li>\n<li>Lead with questions<\/li>\n<li>Inject positivity<\/li>\n<li>Follow the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.nonviolentcommunication.com\/aboutnvc\/4partprocess.htm\" target=\"_blank\">Rosenberg method<\/a>: Observations, feelings, needs, requests<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>4. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bothsidesofthetable.com\/2014\/08\/30\/here-is-how-to-make-sense-of-conflicting-startup-advice\/\" target=\"_blank\">How to Make Sense of Conflicting Advice from Mentors<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>Mark Suster is one of my favorite startup bloggers. As a two-time entrepreneur and now venture capitalist, he brings remarkable insight to a variety of startup issues. His\u00a0post on making sense of conflicting startup advice is no exception.<\/p>\n<p>While dealing with conflicting advice isn\u2019t a \u201chard conversation\u201d per se, being able to do it effectively is important and ultimately leads to an ability to have hard conversations more easily. Board members, mentors, investors, and even teammates often get attached to their advice being followed, and if it\u2019s not, you may have a tough conversation on your hands. Having solid justification for how you came to a decision you made, even if doesn\u2019t align with what some of your advisors told you, is important. Mark\u2019s advice consists of:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Triangulate:\u00a0get\u00a0multiple perspectives on big decisions.<\/li>\n<li>Use frameworks to organize advice.<\/li>\n<li>Thinking critically about your situation means comparing the context of the advice of advisors to the context of the decision you\u2019re making.<\/li>\n<li>Ultimately, go\u00a0with your gut.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>5. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bothsidesofthetable.com\/2014\/09\/13\/heres-how-to-cancel-a-meeting-the-right-way\/\" target=\"_blank\">How to Cancel a Meeting<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>This is not, obviously, the most difficult conversation that entrepreneurs have, however, it is an important one to execute thoughtfully. Mark Suster lays out how to cancel a meeting well in advance, the day before, the day of, and the hour of the meeting. He also talks about how to reschedule the meeting if there are multiple people involved and if it\u2019s the third time you\u2019re rescheduling.<\/p>\n<h2>6. <a href=\"http:\/\/allthingsd.com\/20120423\/demoting-a-loyal-friend\/\" target=\"_blank\">How to Demote a Loyal Friend<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>Some startup CEOs have to face the tough choice of bringing in someone more experienced to fill a role previously filled by a less experienced, but very hard-working friend. This can be an incredibly hard conversation to have and VC, Ben Horowitz,\u00a0advises that you:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Be mindful of your friend\u2019s possible feelings of embarrassment and betrayal.<\/li>\n<li>Use appropriate language.<\/li>\n<li>Admit reality.<\/li>\n<li>Acknowledge the contributions.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>7. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/pulse\/20131108174915-8353952-how-to-say-no-gracefully\" target=\"_blank\">How to Say No Gracefully<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>Greg McKeown\u00a0offers a humorous example from E.B. White on how to say no plus three principles for saying no, including:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Affirm the relationship.<\/li>\n<li>Thank the person sincerely for the opportunity.<\/li>\n<li>Decline firmly and politely.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>In case you\u2019re interested in another example, HubSpot co-founder Dharmesh Shah gives an example in this post, aptly titled \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/quibb.com\/links\/dharmesh-on-startups-sorry-my-heart-says-yes-but-my-schedule-says-no\/view\" target=\"_blank\">My heart says yes, but my schedule says no<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n<h2>8. <a href=\"http:\/\/paulgraham.com\/convince.html\" target=\"_blank\">How to Convince Investors<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>Countless articles are written on this subject, but one of my favorites comes from Y-Combinator founder Paul Graham. The main requirement of convincing investors is \u201cbeing formidable.\u201d Graham explains that, \u201cA formidable person is one who seems like they\u2019ll get what they want, regardless of whatever obstacles are in your way.\u201d<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"right\"><p>Convince investors only of what you already believe<span id=\"tweetquote\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=http:\/\/bit.ly\/1b7GKd2&amp;via=unreasonable&amp;hashtags=entrepreneurship&amp;text=&quot;Convince investors only of what you already believe&quot; @paulg @tejuravi\"><i class=\"fa fa-twitter\"><\/i> Tweet This Quote<\/a><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>So how can you be formidable? As Graham says, \u201cYou\u2019ll never convince investors if you\u2019re not convinced yourself. They\u2019re far better at detecting bullshit than you are at producing it.\u201d So, \u201cthe way to seem most formidable as an inexperienced founder is to stick to the truth,\u201d and to convince investors only of what you already believe.<\/p>\n<h2>9. <a href=\"https:\/\/wary-sunlight.flywheelsites.com\/five-keys-to-a-good-apology\/\" target=\"_blank\">How to Apologize<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>We all make mistakes and learning to take responsibility for them and apologize is critical to the health of startups. The main keys I outline in this post are:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Take 100% responsibility.<\/li>\n<li>Be specific about what you\u2019re apologizing for.<\/li>\n<li>Acknowledge the impact of your actions.<\/li>\n<li>Leave the words \u201cif\u201d and \u201cbut\u201d out of your apology.<\/li>\n<li>Make a commitment, even if it\u2019s small.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2>10. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/forbesleadershipforum\/2012\/05\/30\/10-commandments-for-delivering-bad-news\/\" target=\"_blank\">How to Deliver Bad News<\/a>.<\/h2>\n<p>We all have to do it, whether it\u2019s telling investors we lost their money, telling our boards that we failed to hit our goals, or something else. Robert Bies gives\u00a0the ten commandments for delivering bad news, including:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Thou shalt never surprise.<\/li>\n<li>Thou shalt never delay.<\/li>\n<li>Thou shalt never hide the facts.<\/li>\n<li>Thou shalt always put it in writing.<\/li>\n<li>Thou shalt always justify.<\/li>\n<li>Thou shalt always look for the silver lining.<\/li>\n<li>Thou shalt always bring solutions.<\/li>\n<li>Thou shalt always remember your multiple audiences.<\/li>\n<li>Thou shalt always follow up and follow through.<\/li>\n<li>Thou shalt always treat people with respect and dignity.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>There are innumerable other hard conversations we can all learn how to master. If you have any additional insights, frameworks, or examples of hard conversations, please share them in the comments below.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My teammate Banks and I were exploring what we\u2019d say if a hypothetical genie showed up and offered us the ability to master any skill that could help our work&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":20951,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[476,1785,1557],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20950","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-article","category-boldness","category-management"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>10 Hard Conversations Entrepreneurs Need to Be Able To Have - 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